Oda Evelina. Everywhere. Over the moon.
Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat: odezzierz15.
Today I weighed myself. 119lbs. This may not seem like a lot to many people, normally when I hear 119lbs I don’t think much of it. Most of the females I’m around are 120-125lbs.
But today I weighed myself and saw 119 on the scale and I wanted to vomit. This is the most I’ve weighed in my entire life. I am 5 foot to 5.1ft, I am petite, I have a lot of small features. So 119lbs will affect my body image WAY MORE than someone that’s 5.5ft tall.
I’ve never been more disappointed in myself. I’ve been going on a small slippery slope for a while. I stopped taking my medication, I’ve been binge eating a lot, I stopped working out, I stopped doing yoga. I stopped my life to focus on school, work, and my boyfriend.
Today I weighed myself and saw 119 on the scale and today I went to the gym and did a killer workout. Today I did yoga to stretch out my muscles so I can start fresh tomorrow. Today I made my lunch for tomorrow and I portioned everything out so I no longer binge eat. Today I took pictures because in a few months, I want to see how far I came.
Tomorrow I will start to take my medication again. Tomorrow I will eat a healthy breakfast. Tomorrow I will eat my healthy lunch and not snack until dinner. Tomorrow I will go to the gym and have another killer work out. Tomorrow I will cook a healthy dinner and portion out the left overs to future lunches/dinners. Tomorrow I will do another session of yoga that way I can repeat everything all over again the following day.
This isn’t a post for me to feel bad about myself. This isn’t a post for me to start and continue unhealthy habits. This is a post to show my motivation and dedication to becoming myself again.
Hi. My name is Oda. I suffer from moderate anxiety and depression. I have panic attacks if my (current) boyfriend makes sudden movements my way because of my ex boyfriend from several years ago. I suffer from PTSD from a sexual assault back when I was a junior in high school.
I have my good days and I have my bad days.
Today was a good day, I only had a mild anxiety attack once today.
I do not allow any of those things define who I am.
Everyday I continue to work hard and better my mental health. I know one day I will be able to move past these things. I know one day I will be better.
“And I am starting to learn that when someone says ‘I want to die’ it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re holding a gun to their head, ready to jump from a forty story building or swallow the pills they’re hiding under the bed. ‘I want to die’ could be the same as ‘Look at me. I’m in so much pain. I’m failing my classes on purpose. It has been five days since I last took a shower and my breath smells like too much alcohol.’ ‘I want to die’ could be the very definition of ‘I don’t care about anything anymore, and I need someone to help me’ and of course you’d have to help them because they are tired of life or at the very least—send them to someone you know they can trust.”— Juansen Dizon, Tired of Living
